Work or play (esteban)

Hey friends,
My first time to put a blog on the site so I hope you enjoy it.  The Lord is great and I want to share with you just how great he is by what He has been doing in my life.  I'll start with the fact that the past month or so I have really been going through a dry spell spiritually. (not feeling the Lord's presence, reading has been tough or not at all)  I have been dealing with the lack of desire to read His word and spend time with Him.  Questions started to fill my mind; where has my desire gone? where is God? Is it wrong to view reading His word as work? These are just a few.  I struggled witht the fact that I would get up in the morning and not want to read, or if I did I would just struggle through it. Is christianity really suppose to be like this?  I was asking these questions to the Lord and I didn't feel like the Lord was answering any of them.  Then I had a friend confront me on the lack of initative in my life.  It was a hard talk and definately caught me off guard but one that was a good check for me.  After the talk though I began to experience some serious spiritual warfare.  It started getting crazy. (all this needless to say wasn't helping the dry spell) 

Now my sister who lives in Bentonville, AR and is due at any time called me the next day to inform me that she was goign to have the baby on Tuesday.  So I get everything ready and leave for Bentonville the next day on a 6 hour trip to meet my nephew.  I love long trips by myself because it gives me time to just talk to the Lord, and this trip is exactly what I needed.  The Lord really spoke to me during the trip.

One thing was about the initative conversation the day before.  Thinking over some things I can see where I could grow in taking initative, but the scarier thing was of how I have been lacking in initative in my spiritual walk.  Each day I would wake up and not feel like reading, so I would pray for the Lord to give me the joy and desire of His word again.  Now I'm not saying that that was the wrong thing to do at all, but thats all I was doing was praying for the joy and desire and not putting in the effort or work to help get it back.  The thing I was mistaken about was that in my head I should have been past that, that growing in my spiritual walk meant reading scripture and quiet times get easier when that is not the case at all.  The christian walk is not always rainbows and butterflies, smiles and grins.  Sometimes its hard work with no feeling of growth or joy from it.  But is that ok? Is that ok to view reading the scriptures as work is the question I kept asking myself.  And the answer I feel like i received is yes.  We go through seasons in our walk when we feel the presence of the Lord and when we don't.  Just because we don't feel the Lord doesn't mean He isn't there and thay He is not working in our lives. A book I'm currently reading speaks directly about this:

"There may be times when you feel that God has left you to fight alone.  That is when your faith must do its hardest work.  Hold fast to the assurance that God is watching every move of Satan and will not let him have the final victory.  He can, when God allows it, rob the Christian of much joy, but he is always under command.  When God says "stay", he must stand like a dog by the table while the saints feast on God's comfort.  He does not dare to snatch even a tidbit, for the Master's eye is always on him.  You lose much comfort when you forget that God's hand is always raised above Satan, and His loving eye is always on you."
                  - William Gurnall

To wrap this all together:  We don't just read our bible to feel good, but because it is vital for us in our daily lives.  The fact that we don't feel like reading or we don't feel like we are growing is temporary and they will soon pass, but the neccessity of God's word in our lives on a daily basis is a truth that should not be ignored.  So friends let us work if it feels like work or get joy if it is joyful, for the Word of the Lord is worth all of all energy and strength.

To close I'll share with you about the blessing I received Tuesday afternoon: Parker William Knight.  He came into this world at 1:59 pm on Tuesday at 7 pounds 7ounces.  I stood amazed at him, he was perfect.  He had little toes and fingers with little toe nails and finger nails.  It blew my mind how God had formed this child down to the smallest details and it just spoke of the power of God to me.  It humbled me to realize that we did nothing to form him or make sure the delivery went ok, but it was all the sovereign hand of God.  The most memorable thing was that as I held him for the first time I had the opportunity to be the first person to pray over Parker.  It is something I feel honored that I got to do and will never forget.

Grace and Peace,
Esteban